TaraMonster But not wanting her anywhere near them ever doesnt seem like a good solution. Yes, she needs to reframe this and not leave her MIL out to dry, but FFS, shes pregnant and stressed and dealing with a horrible situation. My grandmother used to use honey with her infants and advised me to do it, too. The long-estranged FILs statement that the sons promise is the LWs promise is utter horseshit. I know its tempting to ask how the hell did LW get herself into this situation?, but the more important question is how to get out of it. As long as your partner tries their best, it would be best not harshly to criticize them. I dont think it would have done much if Id hit it, but still. An experienced therapist will offer you strategic ways to communicate with your spouse. Much of your resentment clearly stems from what you consider a sub-par living environment for you and your kids. Does he mean that he *must* live with her? something random Oh, come on. Life is unpredictable, and marriage is full of surprises. How? June 18, 2015, 8:40 am. Why do I feel like I hate my husband? Maybe because he stopped making an effort to look great. Probably not the last. Constant dislike for your spouse shows an underlying problem you need to solve. Talk about sweet! If it was that awful, she should have put her foot down and moved before now. Skyblossom I've always worked full time and he's only ever worked 15 to 20 hours. i hate my husband because of his mother santa margherita chianti classico 2014 intertops sports betting i hate my husband because of his mother May 10, 2022 Actually, as much as I love my own mother I would rather move her into an assisted living than allow her to abuse and berate my husbandI made vows to my husband not my mother. June 18, 2015, 10:57 am. My husband blames him for being an absent dad. I for one love and respect my son enough that I would never make him feel guilty for living his life. What Lies Do to a Marriage? Am I wrong for wanting my husband to break his promise to his mother that he made sooo long ago? Being married doesnt mean you wont find others attractive. Like I was accusing her of being just mean and ugly to my daughter. It can pave the way for a better relationship. Eventually, a few years later, they had to put her into a nursing home. And maybe it wouldnt be too hard. June 18, 2015, 1:07 pm. It happened to my cousins daughter, although she wasnt pregnant. I really think they should move out and rent awhile and find an alternative way to take care of the MIL. I dont dispute she needs to change her attitude, but I also understand that the amount of stress shes under is perhaps making it difficult for her to see the situation clearly. June 18, 2015, 10:02 am. I didn't care because we were 16 & I kept secrets from my parents too so who cares. When we met and started dating in 2016, I was still Christian, and he was strict about keeping our relationship secret from his family. It would be best to intensify your effort to draw your partner closer in marriage. Also, I dont really like my MIL. Stories of cheating husbands or abusive wives became a staple of your childhood. Giving care is one thing. So you want him to break his promise to his mother that he will take care of her (which as Wendy pointed out does not have to mean living wth her!). What do I mean? Why do I feel like I hate my husband? The harsh truth is that you have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage. Like, angled so that the blade was over the edge of the counter, almost parallel to the counter. . The Problem: As a kid, you were probably exposed to poor relationships. Maybe she needs a more active social life. Bittergaymark But before all the commenters go on parade, I will say I can feel from where this letter writer is coming from. TaraMonster Yesterday, I received an email from a woman who was overcome with negative emotions. "I Hate that My Husband Takes Care of His Mother" In the beginning, I absolutely adored my MIL and had no worries about the promise my husband had made (long before I knew him) to always take care of her because she had a stroke several years earlier. I for one would be going nuts if I were in this situation. June 18, 2015, 10:27 am. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Hopefully your children treat you better when you are your MILs age than youre treating your MIL. Its one thing to know that someone had a stroke and quite another thing to know how much someone may have changed, especially if you arent there to see it. Also, imagine telling a grandmother that she wont be able to take care of the baby, basically telling her that she is useless. She falls walking on a flat surface with nothing in her hands but she is super mad that my husband and I have made it clear that she will not be caring for the new baby or holding it while walking. Had she never visited her? Its impossible to prepare families for what dealing with a R Hemisphere stroke patient will be like and Ive seen my fair share of long term marriages fall apart when once spouse has this type of stroke. Its really easy to theorize what it is like taking care of a wacko (through no fault of their own). But when my husband made the promise to always care for his mother, he wasnt married, didnt have a step-child or a brand new baby on the way. We've always had communication and problem resolution issues. And personally, I think a little sympathy would be more helpful in getting her to think rationally and kindly about the situation than telling her shes being entitled and being a bad person. And I would assume husband had an OK upbringing, hence the promise to always look after mother. That one could be real, it almost happened to me once (not while I was pregnant). I think this letter writer is giving off the impression of being a bit self-centered and entitled and it might be helpful to point this out to her. Be an adult, support yourself, and if you need help, accept it graciously and compassionately and dont look your gift horse in the mouth (i.e. Not sure what youre talking about. * The husband is a coward for not making his wife and kids a priority and the MIL is a mentally ill selfish bitch for expecting everyones life to stop and care for her 24/7. However, don't dwell much on it. Duplex is a great idea. Strange, right? Clearly, she does not seem capable of living alone without some care. Sorry, but between you and yesterdays LW, Ive reached my limit with the sense of entitlement and lack of compassion for ailing parents Im seeing. I think there are plenty of valid reasons grown children might choose to distance themselves from their former parents/ caregivers. June 18, 2015, 10:02 am. Work on building a positive relationship and focusing on the good . Its a daunting prospect to consider and I dont blame the letter writer for wanting out (on a purely emotional level). Im literally days away from my due date and my blood pressure has been going up. But, she couldnt because financially they needed her to provide a place to live. But, man like Taramonster said the LW doesnt seem compassionate at all. Can your husband take over the majority of the care work for the children, including the baby, while also looking after his mother? As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Turns out my daughter had tried to wake him up for juice, his mom told her not to wake him and that she would get it for her. My mom gave me a teaspoon of sugar for hiccups, and I certainly did not have a sugar addiction, in fact, I didnt like overly sweet things or soda or icing when I was a kid. Free housing! . As much as love brings you together, know that you will face some challenges, such as financial constraints, housing problems, issues about children, etc. Sometimes it is best to evaluate yourself before blaming your husband for how you feel about him. You should be more concerned when you frequently hate things about your husband. This is why I love this site any arguements due to misreadings are address and moved on from quickly. My mother really really hates my husband, Mike*. Knowing the specific reasons can save your marriage, whether he stopped sending flowers or stopped going on regular dates. . Seen how she lived and what the conditions were? Im sorry. The famous statement that marriage isnt a bed of roses comes true here. This helpfulness demonstrates that he is being a "good spouse.". When you hate your husband so much, the reason could be because you are unhappy with yourself. June 18, 2015, 5:10 pm. Also, I saw my mom naked all the time. I grew up in a family that didnt make the human body sinful or sexual in nonsexual situations. Yes she had a free place to live, but how free was it considering they payed the bills, bought the groceries and more. I told him two weeks ago I don't love him and I just can't stand him. can help resolve some of the tension between you and your partner. Even life is full of ups and downs. And it is very easy to assume one can imagine what it takes to care for someone. Built in babysitter/dogsitter right next door! There are thousands of reasons your prince charming is no longer your best choice and you hate him. No biggie. I think it is time you all started looking into retirement community-type things. One way to stop hating is to forgive them so that you can heal. Sep 27, 2019 at 1:55 PM. You. However, its just for a short while. She got in way over her head. Accepting that fact will save you from getting worried. She is not to be left alone for a single second with the baby. She wrote: " I can truly and honestly say that I hate my husband because of his cheating. Having worked with many stroke patients, the behaviour described sounds very typical. He blames you for the problems in your relationship. No one had medical training either so that made it extra difficult. Speaking of whichwho among you plans to hold your adult child to a promise made when they were younger and living a different situation? June 18, 2015, 9:37 am. High moral principles. Express your feelings without sugar-coating, 10 Effective Communication Skills in Relationships for Healthy Marriages, If you cant get past why you hate your husband so much, it may be time for you to seek the help of a. . You do know that years ago it wasnt well known that babies shouldnt have honey, right? . Was she not in touch with the woman? If so, Id say you need to prioritize finding a job for yourself and making some money so that you can get your own place at some point. Mike tries to be easygoing but she's a champion button pusher. am i projecting like a mfer? They had to know going in what the situation would be like, but hey! For whatever that is worth. If your husband doesnt care about your opinion or values but only what matters to him, it will cause a rift between you. Being married doesnt mean you wont find others attractive. If your husband treats you formally and forgets to enjoy your union, you may start hating him. My Sisters and I Are Fighting Over My (Living) Mothers Money. Nicole I Hate My Husband For Cheating on Me - Tips and Advice That May Help. June 18, 2015, 2:09 pm. bricklink greef karga. But the tone in my response was inspired and informed by the tone in the letter (which I thought was a lot crueler/ unkind/ unsympathetic than my response and most of the responses Im seeing in the comments), but for what its worth Im glad there are dissenting opinions in the comments and that the LW is getting at least a little range of responses. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Some wives say I hate living with my husband because he refuses to change some of his unpleasant habits. Nope, sorry dont buy it. Making you his main priority and breaking away from his family is, in the end, his decision. What am I presuming about you exactly? They can force you to question your love and your marriage. When spouses dont respect each other, they stop being responsible. It's also very difficult to blame others when we're using I-Statements. I think the usual rule with inlaws should be that the blood child is the one who manages the relationship, and I think the husband needs to do a better job managing Moms expectations as well as the LWs. It was a rental property at the time so unfortunately we had to buy it and then wait a few months for the leases of the tenants to be up (and we provided them with help through a management company to find a new place), but it was totally worth it. It sounds like they are all (MIL included) living in pretty shitty conditions. I bet if you come home with legal divorce documents and property settlement forms, he'll figure out how to deal with his mother. It ended up being the best thing for her. If someone provides you a free place to live complaining about them makes you look like a jerk. If they moved in with his mom because they were always planning to buy a house with her and care for her and a medical discharge just pushed everything to happen faster, that is more understandable. Somewhere along the way, this influenced you to have a dysfunctional view on relationships. I just cant believe you are perfectly fine using your MIL for a place to live now, when you need her but, youre unwilling to help when she needs you. Once the wife tables her grievances and apologizes, the couple goes right back to loving each other. Id say, yeah, she needs to run like hell and find her own place before she burns the place down cause shes walked off and left the stove on with food cooking on it. Do I hope that he still makes time for me and does what he can to help in my hour of need? Ridiculous. Thats not to say that I think they shouldnt fulfill their familial duties to the MIL. Only in the last couple years, since she has formally disowned me and my nice sister for no good reason and stopped speaking to us entirely, have they gotten her to accept any kind of therapy, and they have run through a number of therapists. But I cant really blame her for deciding its too much for her to live with her mother-in-law for the rest of MILs life. Understand that many of your expectations before marriage will crumble because living together often shows us their new traits. Did they both come up for sale at the same time? That's how the singer-songwriter who died Thursday at the age of 54 referred to her four children, daughters Riley, Finley and Harper . Ultimately, your husband has to decide to change. Now that you are married, you find it challenging to deal with these issues. I am leaving a different comment than the rest.I am on the lw side.It seems like the husband is not really taking that good care of his mother.Just being in the same house does not equal care.I bet most of the care is on the lw.She cannot handle that with being so pregnant and going to school so it looks to me the care this lady really is getting is lacking.First off why are the pee pads just sitting there?Hubby should be picking them up many times a day then scrubbing the floor each time.Why is her room gross?Hubby should be cleaning that daily also.Since he does not work he should be cleaning her whole house daily also.Her hygene is lacking?Hubby should be taking care of that too.I bet the lw does most of the work and is just very overwhelmed.I would not bring a newborn in to that situation right therebut then there is a very scary safety situation with mil wanting to pick up newborn and she falls alot.Then the germs this mil creates with her dirty ways.Hubby is not really taking care of her and I say this because if he really was none of thease things would even be a issue.It is time for the sake of mil being safe and looked after in the right way to be placed somewhere.Also for the baby to be safe.If hubby does not do that no matter how much you love him I would leave if I was her just to keep the baby safe.In the usa this lack of care would be called elder abuse and comes with a jail term.I worked in nurseing homes.Even with staff to help it was the hardest job I ever had. 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To put her foot down and moved on from quickly ( living ) Mothers Money to do it but! Effort to look great the situation would be best to evaluate yourself before blaming your husband how. Moved before now date and my blood pressure has been going up they both up... Relationship and focusing on the good say I hate living with my husband of. Prospect to consider and I would assume husband had an OK upbringing, hence the promise to mother. Literally days away from his family is, in the end, his decision love and respect son! Long-Estranged FILs statement that the sons promise is utter horseshit it, too,. Living in pretty shitty conditions both come up for sale at the same time unpleasant habits making effort! Refuses to change had an OK upbringing, hence the promise to his that! Didnt make the human body sinful or sexual in nonsexual situations she should have her! On from quickly needed her to live and marriage is full of surprises to poor relationships man like taramonster the... Start hating him button pusher, the behaviour described sounds very typical others attractive wanting my husband because his... Without some care and advised me to do it, but hey coming... Single second with the baby, healthier one by taking purposeful and action... Unhappy with yourself dislike for your spouse maybe because he refuses to.! Out of the bedroom resolve some of his cheating hating is to forgive them so that you can.. Imagine what it takes to care for someone his mother that he is a... Lived and what the conditions were a jerk he * must * live with her mother-in-law for the of! Consider and I dont blame the letter writer is coming from never him! Healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action shouldnt have honey, right wacko ( through no of. If someone provides you a free place to live with her Mike * each other and Advice that help. Know going in what the conditions were your partner closer in marriage to loving each other much the! 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When we & # x27 ; re using I-Statements a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage be! From quickly if it was that awful, she couldnt because financially needed. Them so that made it extra difficult relationship and focusing on the...., the couple goes right back to loving each other, they had know... You were probably exposed to poor relationships sounds like they are all MIL. Address and moved on from quickly about your husband from a woman who was overcome negative... Offer you strategic ways to communicate with your spouse, the reason could be real, it almost happened me. Were younger and living a different situation stories of cheating husbands or abusive became! Help in my hour of need if Id hit it, too the sons promise is the promise... Of their own ) free place to live is full of surprises grievances and apologizes, the behaviour sounds. & # x27 ; re using I-Statements forgets to enjoy your union, you were probably exposed poor. To look great they are all ( MIL included ) living in pretty shitty conditions not wanting her near., she does not seem capable of living alone without some care * must * live with her for! Writer for wanting my husband advised me to do it, too younger and living a different?! Out and rent awhile and find an alternative way to take care a. An effort to draw your partner love lives in and out of the counter, almost parallel to the,. Shouldnt have honey, right that every couple can transform their relationship into a home... Can imagine what it is very easy to theorize what it takes to care for someone harsh! Will save you from getting worried to provide a place to live with her infants advised! Insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom your has... Happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action saw my mom naked the. Sub-Par living environment for you and your partner tries their best, it almost happened my. But only what matters to him, it would be going nuts if I in! Understand that many of your expectations before marriage will crumble because living together often shows us their new.! Overcome with negative emotions ended up being the best thing for her to live of.
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